I hate to disappoint everyone but this isn't actually a political post about tyrannical governments misinforming the masses (I do like Radiohead though...), this post is actually about how I can't do maths.
Well actually that is a lie. I can do maths. Slowly. Eventually. With a calculator to help. Now I'm sure everyone that hasn't heard me whining about this before is thinking "I'm no good at maths either mate! Algebra!? You're having a laugh!" but I'm not talking about complicated maths; I find really simple maths incredibly difficult. I do, of course, know that 2+2=4 and not 5 but pretty simple multiplication actually hurts my head. Truly physically hurts my head.
Example time! Just off the top of my head:
7x4= I don't know.
Not only do I not know straight away, I have no way of working this out. My brain doesn't like it. Right now it's just blank. Not a clue. Usually at this point someone tells me "It's easy! Just make the 4 a 5 and then work that out!" (I can do my 5 times table because the numbers are simple and always end in a 5 or a 0 and, for me at least, have a certain rhythm to them so are very easy to count up) but the problem is is that if I change that 4 to a 5 my brain now has to keep hold of the 7 the 4 and the 5 and then the answer and the only way for me to get to the answer now that's a 5 is to count up the 5 times table (When I said I can do the 5 times table I meant I can count up it. I can't just "jump" to a number e.g. 6x5= 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. I had to check that 30 was the 6th one on my fingers.) So now I have to keep hold of, in my brain, the 7, the 4, the 5, all the numbers in the 5 times table up to 7 and then I have to take 7 away from that answer and then I have to remember the final answer. My brain cannot do this. Because I'm writing this, I haven't actually been able to work out the answer. Leave a comment!
Now as you can imagine not being able to do simple multiplication, division, addition and subtraction was somewhat problematic during school particularly during (Surprise!) maths lessons. Maths homework was like torture for me. I would dread it. My mum, being the incredibly kind and wonderful person she is, would spend literally hours with me trying to help me to get through it and it would usually end with us both exhausted, my head would be ringing and I would want to lie down on my bed until I was swallowed by it. The real cruelty of my brain is that it actually, a lot of the time, understands the principles and rules that are being followed to get an answer, it just can't do it. This inability lead me to the verge (and over the verge occasionally) of tears. When my brain sees a maths equation it goes into panic mode. Not even joking. I go into fight or flight. My heart rate picks up, my breathing increases, my body prepares to run away. From maths.
So why does my brain do this? Well I don't know for certain but it could be that I have dyscalculia (it's maths dyslexia essentially). So what is that exactly? Good old Wikipedia to the rescue!
Dyscalculia is difficulty in learning or comprehending arithmetic, such as difficulty in understanding numbers, learning how to manipulate numbers, and learning math facts.
Hey that already sounds familiar! So what else do I struggle with that could be symptoms of dyscalculia?
-Difficulty reading analog clocks. CHECK. Still can't even after my mum spent (yet more) hours (over a number of years) trying to teach me how to read them. She used this cardboard clock where you can set the time and then she would test me, asking what time it was. I believe she got the clock from her work as she works with children. I was around 15 at the time. No not 7, 15.
-Inability to comprehend financial planning or budgeting, sometimes even at a basic level; for example, estimating the cost of the items in a shopping basket or balancing a checkbook. CHECK. I'm not entirely useless at this but I very rarely use change because I know it will take me half an hour to work out how much I need to hand over. My last wallet actually broke because of the sheer amount of change in it.
-Difficulty with multiplication-tables, and subtraction-tables, addition tables, division tables, mental arithmetic, etc. CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK. I once managed to learn my 12 times table in year 4 and passed the test I had but it took weeks of being tested by my mum on the way to school every day for me to learn it. Then by the next week I had forgotten it. Mental arithmetic is actually a very effective torture device against me. Those tests with the 20 questions which are read out on a tape and where you are timed? Pure anguish.
-Difficulty with conceptualizing time and judging the passing of time. May be chronically late or early. CHECK. Many a time I've arrived half an hour early when meeting my friends. I'm rarely late, mostly because I poorly estimate how long a journey is going to take me, overcompensate to prevent me being late and then end up half an hour early (Yay! Waiting!)
-Having particular difficulty mentally estimating the measurement of an object or distance. CHECK. See above with my poor judgement of how long it takes to travel a certain distance.
-Inability to concentrate on mentally intensive tasks. I want to say "check" so I have a good excuse but to be honest I'm probably just lazy.
- Low latent inhibition, i.e. over-sensitivity to noise, smell, light and the inability to tune out, filtering unwanted information or impressions. Not sure about this one but then again I did do a post not that long ago about using ear defenders to escape background noise...
There are other symptoms listed on the page that I don't have, stuff like: "Difficulty stating which of two numbers is larger" which I am able to do, but I have a damn fair few of these symptoms. So do I have dyscalculia? I don't know for certain. I have never been formally tested. Why? Because it costs a butt-ton and my maths teacher never really tried to help me on that front. It doesn't help that dyscalculia is really not that well known about. It is becoming more recognised but is still somewhat overshadowed by it's cousin dyslexia. I'm starting my nursing degree here in Finland and my university does do tests for it so (hopefully) I will know for definite very soon whether I have it or whether I'm just crap at maths in which case this entire post can be ignored.
So what has it been like potentially having dyscalculia? Crappy. It's been crappy. Not being able to read analog clocks is probably the worst thing because they are everywhere and it may be that I will be asked to use one. So many times someone has asked what the time is just because they are busy doing something else or facing away from the clock and I've had to count around the minutes as quick as I can for fear of being revealed an idiot. I really envy people who can just look at the clock and just know straight off what time it is. Seriously that's like magic to me. I cannot comprehend that at all. My brain doesn't do that. It looks at the clock and goes "Right. The big hand is pointing at the 3. So thats 5, 10, 15. Ok 15 minutes. The little hand is pointing towards the 4, so it's 15 minutes past 4." If you read that out loud at a regular speed, that is about how long it takes me to work out the time. If it's something like 5:40, then it takes me even longer to say because it's "20 to 6". That requires me to work out 60-40=20 and then also remember to say it's "to 6" not "to 5". That's 5 numbers I have to juggle in my head and it can't take it.
I've managed to get on rather well without these basic maths and number skills mostly through the use of digital clocks (Thank Christ for digital clocks), calculators and stalling for time because like I said I understand the question, I just can't give you the answer straight away. Every single possible shortcut method, system and formula has been drilled into my head since forever and not one has stuck. I gave the example of changing a 4 into a 5 to make equations easier up above but things like that have never worked for me mostly because my brain goes into panic mode and doesn't think clearly about what I have to do and "methods" like that just increase the amount of thinking I have to do and my brain gets bogged down and feels like it's going to explode. Fun with maths yay...
Luckily for me I am actually kind of pretty good at other stuff. Reading. I can do that. That other one... writing that's it, I'm alright at that one too. I don't mind not being a "maths man" but I still do find it hard because I understand the importance of maths. The universe is made up of maths. Equations and formulas got people to the Moon. The reason I'm able to write this now on a computer is because of maths. That's annoying. But hey I've got this far without being able to do my 3, 4, 6, 7, 8 or 12 times tables (the other ones I'm alright with. Slow but alright.) Only a couple more decades to go...
