Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I always leave it to the last minute? Every time. I've had weeks to do this and I didn't do shit. Fuck. I'm screwed. I'm so screwed. I'm never going to pass this. What the hell is an integer? Fuck. Shit. Ok. Ok.
"God? I... Listen, I really have to pass this maths test. Like, I really really need to pass it. Please. Help. Errrrr... Amen?"
The room exploded with a bright shining light. The air vibrated with the blowing of a seemingly infinte number of trumpets, rattling the window panes and shaking his pencil off the desk. As the trumpets died away, a great booming voice came out of that great shining light.
MY CHILD. I HAVE HEARD YOUR PLEA. I, YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER, HAVE COME UNTO YOU TO BLESS YOU WITH THE KNOWLEDGE YOU SEEK SO THAT YOU MAY PASS YOUR MATHS TEST TOMORROW.
"Oh my God!"
YES.
"Sorry, I mean... wow. Ok... Errr... You're God."
YES, I AM.
"This is incredible. I'm speaking with God..."
FROM THE THRONE OF HEAVEN I HEARD YOUR LAMENTS MY SON AND I HAVE NOW COME TO YOUR AID SO THAT YOU CAN GET AT LEAST A 50% WHICH WOULD BE A PASSING GRADE.
"This is incredible! Oh... blessed... father, I... err... beseech thee..."
YOU CAN JUST TALK NORMALLY IT'S FINE. ALSO LIKE I SAID I ALREADY KNOW YOU NEED HELP WITH THE MATHS TEST. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
"Ah yeah great. Ok. Cool. Wow. I'm still kind of amazed like... that praying thing was kind of a last ditch sort of... desperate thing."
YEAH IT USUALLY IS THESE DAYS...
"So... You're going to help me with the maths test?"
YES.
"This is amazing! Yeah... Um... But wait... Aren't you supposed to be kind of busy right now?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
"Well... It's just... On the news... Isn't there a famine going on right now? It was in... I don't remember now but there were loads of people dying and suffering and that..."
I DON'T...
"Well it's just that... with you being God, shouldn't you be dealing with that and not... my maths test?"
URRRM... WELL... YA SEE... I KIND OF MOVE IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS...
"What? That sounds kind of... bullshit."
NO IT ISN'T. UM... I COULD TOTALLY FIX THAT FAMINE.
"Then why haven't you?"
BECAUSE... OK LOOK, I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU. I... CAN'T. I KNOW, I KNOW EVERYONE GOES AROUND SAYING I'M OMNIPOTENT AND CAN DO ANYTHING BUT YA SEE... THINGS GOT A BIT OUT OF HAND A COUPLE OF THOUSAND YEARS AGO AND SORT OF... SNOWBALLED. I REALLY DIDN'T INTEND...
"You're not omnipotent?"
HEY, LISTEN, I CAN DO A LOT OF STUFF RIGHT. LIKE, I CAN DO LOADS OF REALLY COOL STUFF BUT, LIKE, FAMINES AND VOLCANOES AND WARS AND DISEASES AND STUFF? THAT'S KIND OF NOT IN MY PURVIEW.
"But... you're God. Not in your purview? So are there other gods that deal with that stuff?"
UMMM... NO. JUST ME. SORRY ABOUT THAT. I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT MATHS TEST THOUGH.
"So you're the God of Maths Tests?"
NO, ACTUALLY I CAN DO LOTS OF STUFF LIKE I SAID. MATHS TESTS...
"Yeah you've said that one."
DON'T INTERRUPT. SO YEAH, MATHS TESTS BUT ALSO GETTING CAKE RECIPES RIGHT, DRIVING TESTS, WAKING UP ON TIME, FINDING YOUR KEYS, EXTENDING A PHONES BATTERY LIFE BY A FEW SECONDS SO YOU HAVE TIME TO FIND THE CHARGER...
"What the fuck?"
WHAT?
"It's just... That seems pretty... low tier."
OH I SEE. SO YOU'RE SO DESPERATE FOR HELP YOU'LL CALL OUT TO A DEITY BUT WHEN THAT DEITY SHOWS UP YOU JUST DISRESPECT AND TRASH TALK THEM? NICE BRO. REAL NICE. YA KNOW WHAT? I DON'T NEED TO STAND FOR THIS.
"Oh so you're all in a huff now? Some god you are..."
THAT'S IT. SCREW YOU.
A hand of pure solidified light reached down, picked up the pencil that had fallen from the desk and snapped it in half.
HOW'D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? SUCK IT.
"I think you should go. I have some revision to do."
DICK.
With that, the brilliant light rose and phased through the window, up into the night sky before disappearing into the endless blackness.
The next day.
"Ok. I can do this. Wait... what the hell? But... it was full battery... Um... Excuse me, sir? Sir? Could I get a spare calculator? Mine's out of battery.
"Sorry all the spares are taken. Just try your best. I'm sure you'll do fine without it."
"Oh... ok... That motherfucker..."
------
I dedicate this short story to a girl in my sixth form college psychology class that got an A on her final exam and put her success down to divine intervention on the part of Jehovah. Unironically.
The concept of an ominipotent interventionist god that helps out in exams and other somewhat trivial matters has always fascinated me because it really does require you to accept one of two facts. Either your omnipotent god is a massive arsehole that won't help out those actually in need but will help out some middle class student get by on their A-levels or your god isn't actually omnipotent and can ONLY help out on trivial things like A-levels. I mean there are more than two options there but I felt those two were the most interesting to explore in the form of a comedic short story/dialogue. I keep coming back to this format of basically only writing dialogue. I like to think it's because I take my inspiration from Roddy Doyle and Cormac McCarthy and that, by stripping down a story to simple bare details to set scenes and then presenting the interactions of characters in those scenes, I can create a flowing narrative that feels naturalistic and allows the reader to imagine and so involves the reader in the process of creating. Really it's because it's quicker and I can't be bothered to write down descriptive stuff because I'm lazy. Hope someone got something out of this.
Sunday, 21 October 2018
Thursday, 24 May 2018
Boys Will Be Boys
What's one foolproof way to piss me off?
Ok so I get pissed off easily at a whole array of different things (I made a whole blog to contain them) but there is one thing that, without fail, will genuinely spark off a rage inside me that is almost unquenchable.
All you have to do is say "boys will be boys" in the context of commenting on sexual impropriety. Guaranteed, I'll start frothing at the mouth and string together sentences so full of profanity that they'll wither plants within a 5 metre radius. Why does this enrage me so? For a number of reasons which I shall now explore below. Do please enjoy what is sure to devolve into sentences so full of profanity that they'll wither plants within a 5 metre radius!
I feel I should explain some things about me. I am one of 4 children. I have 3 younger sisters. I was brought up in a really very liberal home, politically and socially. My parents did not stick slavishly to traditional gender roles, my mum returning to work after having myself and my sisters and my dad made full use of his paternity leave and would pick us up from preschool and school on occasion. I've seen my dad cry and be emotional and it was fine. It was normal. It was ok for me to cry and be emotional. I was encouraged to express my thoughts and emotions (some would argue this was a bad thing because it lead to me sullying the internet with my ill-informed opinions on this very blog but...). When it came to the topic of sex and gender and sexuality, my parents weren't any less liberal in their views. My parents ensured both myself and my sisters were well-informed. They answered our questions honestly and without bullshit. They gave us sex education material so we could investigate on our own from trusted sources. We were openly told that it was fine if we were gay or bi or trans or if we didn't know and wanted to talk about it. We had discussions and were allowed to air our opinions if something came up in the news. We were taught to respect ourselves and others.
I have a lot to thank my parents for but I'm realising more and more how different my childhood was to some people's in this regard and how lucky I truly am to have had that sort of upbringing. I attended a Sexology course a few years ago which really drove this home. It was an additional course and it was open to anyone in the poly-technic I attend, they didn't have to be from the Healthcare department. The course proved to be very popular and there were people from, literally, all over the world and from incredibly varied backgrounds. The course had some... controversial content depending on your opinions on sexual morality and ethics. Everything from abortion to feminism to the refutation of the gender binary. You can bet it got heated, although I must say that despite very passionate opinions and arguments being aired, it was still the most constructive and respectful discussions I've ever had the privilege of being a part of.
When discussing these various topics, I would bring up experiences from my own life and I quickly realised how different my childhood was. People were shocked that my dad took paternity leave. That my parents split household chores 50/50. Some people even found the idea that my dad usually was the one to cook our evening meals unusual (as if the most famous chef in the world wasn't Gordon Ramsey...). The course was held in English and my school has a large number of international students and so some cultural ideas of gender and sex seeped in but it wasn't just the more fundamentalist Christians from African countries that found my parent's dynamic odd. Even athiest and agnostic students from "developed", "tolerant" countries, students from "sexually liberated" Sweden and Finland, found the idea of my father actually wanting to spend time with his children and be emotionally available a bit weird. Even the "progressive" students that agreed with my parent's view on parenting and gender hadn't experienced their own parents being ok with, for example, their male children playing with dolls (I was given a baby doll when I was very young to "look after". I imaginatively named him after myself which is pretty narcissistic. Almost as narcissistic as writing a blog post all about your childhood and how great it was...).
So, why am I writing all this stuff about my childhood out? Honestly, because I've wanted to write about my experiences on that Sexology course and what I learned about myself and this post seemed related then kind of got away from me.
Let's go back a bit and get back on track.
I am one of 4 children. I have 3 younger sisters. I was brought up in a really very liberal home, politically and socially as I've explained in far too much detail. I was taught about respect and boundaries when it comes to sex. I was taught about consent, and I mean explicitly taught about consent. There was no bullshit, no dancing around topics. This stuff was and is important and my parents instilled in me that importance.
And that's why I loathe, with all my being, the phrase "boys will be boys".
What does that phrase mean in regards to sex? It means that boys, men, have no agency. They have no control. They have no choice. They're actions are already decided. They're blameless because "boys will be boys". They just can't help themselves. They're stupid. They're brutish. They don't even realise what they're doing. They just react to their impulses thoughtlessly.
FUCK THAT.
I am not a slobbering animal. I am not a sex-crazed monkey that doesn't know when to stop. I am not like that. I am personally offended by the use of that phrase. It lumps me in with the most sadistic rapists and abusers in history because "men are just like that".
No.
No they are not.
Men are not born abusers, they become them. They're taught that they are superior, that they are in control, that they can take what they like, that being sexually aggressive is normal and expected.
This not only insults and demeans men, women are taught subservience and encouraged to expect and accept violence against their persons. It's often combined with victim blaming.
"It was your fault you were raped because you wore that slutty top and BOYS WILL BE BOYS."
"You let yourself get that drunk while partying with a bunch of guys? What did you expect? BOYS WILL BE BOYS."
"Well of course he's going to slap your ass if you bend over like that. BOYS WILL BE BOYS."
It's despicable and wrong and disgusting and offensive against everyone. It's offensive against basic human dignity. And it's pervasive. The whole reason I'm writing this blog post is because of this article on the new accusations against Morgan Freeman:
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/may/24/morgan-freeman-sexual-harassment-accusations-claims-women?CMP=fb_gu
I'm not actually going to talk about Morgan Freeman or any of the allegations against him because, really, it wasn't this article that lead to me writing this blog post, it was the first comment on the Facebook link to this article. This is the comment in question, reproduced here, verbatim:
"Men behaving like men. So what? Let's stop the witch hunt now."
Boys will be boys. Sexual harassment is just what men do. So stop talking about it. Stop punishing those that abuse their positions. Stop punishing those that attack other people. Stop punishing those that harm others for their own selfish gain. Forget about it. Stop talking about it. Leave it alone.
Again: FUCK THAT.
This type of behaviour is unacceptable. It's abhorrent and it needs to stop. It is not normal. These beliefs are dangerous, damaging and insulting to everyone. When all men are tarred this way, it legitimizes the actions of abusers and drowns out the voices of victims.
I hate "boys will be boys" and everything it means. I hate it with a passion.
And there are so many comments that echo the sentiment of "boys will be boys" on the internet and in the "real world". That even use this phrase jokingly. People from all walks of life, hold this view.
The person that made that comment that sparked off this rage fueled blog post was a woman.
Don't say "boys will be boys". The next time someone tries this line of arguing punch them in the fa... No wait, don't do that, that was the anger talking. Challenge them on it. If they're male, ask them if they are a slobbering, disgusting, mindless animal with no boundaries, self-control or self-respect. If they're female, argue that, if "boys will be boys" that must mean they're boyfriends, fathers, brothers are all uncontrollable rapists. Show them the absurdity of this stupid phrase. Drag it into the sunlight and make them really look at what they're saying. Words matter and these words are filth. Purge them.
(This didn't actually get as profanity filled as I expected. It's almost like I have some self-control...)
Ok so I get pissed off easily at a whole array of different things (I made a whole blog to contain them) but there is one thing that, without fail, will genuinely spark off a rage inside me that is almost unquenchable.
All you have to do is say "boys will be boys" in the context of commenting on sexual impropriety. Guaranteed, I'll start frothing at the mouth and string together sentences so full of profanity that they'll wither plants within a 5 metre radius. Why does this enrage me so? For a number of reasons which I shall now explore below. Do please enjoy what is sure to devolve into sentences so full of profanity that they'll wither plants within a 5 metre radius!
I feel I should explain some things about me. I am one of 4 children. I have 3 younger sisters. I was brought up in a really very liberal home, politically and socially. My parents did not stick slavishly to traditional gender roles, my mum returning to work after having myself and my sisters and my dad made full use of his paternity leave and would pick us up from preschool and school on occasion. I've seen my dad cry and be emotional and it was fine. It was normal. It was ok for me to cry and be emotional. I was encouraged to express my thoughts and emotions (some would argue this was a bad thing because it lead to me sullying the internet with my ill-informed opinions on this very blog but...). When it came to the topic of sex and gender and sexuality, my parents weren't any less liberal in their views. My parents ensured both myself and my sisters were well-informed. They answered our questions honestly and without bullshit. They gave us sex education material so we could investigate on our own from trusted sources. We were openly told that it was fine if we were gay or bi or trans or if we didn't know and wanted to talk about it. We had discussions and were allowed to air our opinions if something came up in the news. We were taught to respect ourselves and others.
I have a lot to thank my parents for but I'm realising more and more how different my childhood was to some people's in this regard and how lucky I truly am to have had that sort of upbringing. I attended a Sexology course a few years ago which really drove this home. It was an additional course and it was open to anyone in the poly-technic I attend, they didn't have to be from the Healthcare department. The course proved to be very popular and there were people from, literally, all over the world and from incredibly varied backgrounds. The course had some... controversial content depending on your opinions on sexual morality and ethics. Everything from abortion to feminism to the refutation of the gender binary. You can bet it got heated, although I must say that despite very passionate opinions and arguments being aired, it was still the most constructive and respectful discussions I've ever had the privilege of being a part of.
When discussing these various topics, I would bring up experiences from my own life and I quickly realised how different my childhood was. People were shocked that my dad took paternity leave. That my parents split household chores 50/50. Some people even found the idea that my dad usually was the one to cook our evening meals unusual (as if the most famous chef in the world wasn't Gordon Ramsey...). The course was held in English and my school has a large number of international students and so some cultural ideas of gender and sex seeped in but it wasn't just the more fundamentalist Christians from African countries that found my parent's dynamic odd. Even athiest and agnostic students from "developed", "tolerant" countries, students from "sexually liberated" Sweden and Finland, found the idea of my father actually wanting to spend time with his children and be emotionally available a bit weird. Even the "progressive" students that agreed with my parent's view on parenting and gender hadn't experienced their own parents being ok with, for example, their male children playing with dolls (I was given a baby doll when I was very young to "look after". I imaginatively named him after myself which is pretty narcissistic. Almost as narcissistic as writing a blog post all about your childhood and how great it was...).
So, why am I writing all this stuff about my childhood out? Honestly, because I've wanted to write about my experiences on that Sexology course and what I learned about myself and this post seemed related then kind of got away from me.
Let's go back a bit and get back on track.
I am one of 4 children. I have 3 younger sisters. I was brought up in a really very liberal home, politically and socially as I've explained in far too much detail. I was taught about respect and boundaries when it comes to sex. I was taught about consent, and I mean explicitly taught about consent. There was no bullshit, no dancing around topics. This stuff was and is important and my parents instilled in me that importance.
And that's why I loathe, with all my being, the phrase "boys will be boys".
What does that phrase mean in regards to sex? It means that boys, men, have no agency. They have no control. They have no choice. They're actions are already decided. They're blameless because "boys will be boys". They just can't help themselves. They're stupid. They're brutish. They don't even realise what they're doing. They just react to their impulses thoughtlessly.
FUCK THAT.
I am not a slobbering animal. I am not a sex-crazed monkey that doesn't know when to stop. I am not like that. I am personally offended by the use of that phrase. It lumps me in with the most sadistic rapists and abusers in history because "men are just like that".
No.
No they are not.
Men are not born abusers, they become them. They're taught that they are superior, that they are in control, that they can take what they like, that being sexually aggressive is normal and expected.
This not only insults and demeans men, women are taught subservience and encouraged to expect and accept violence against their persons. It's often combined with victim blaming.
"It was your fault you were raped because you wore that slutty top and BOYS WILL BE BOYS."
"You let yourself get that drunk while partying with a bunch of guys? What did you expect? BOYS WILL BE BOYS."
"Well of course he's going to slap your ass if you bend over like that. BOYS WILL BE BOYS."
It's despicable and wrong and disgusting and offensive against everyone. It's offensive against basic human dignity. And it's pervasive. The whole reason I'm writing this blog post is because of this article on the new accusations against Morgan Freeman:
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/may/24/morgan-freeman-sexual-harassment-accusations-claims-women?CMP=fb_gu
I'm not actually going to talk about Morgan Freeman or any of the allegations against him because, really, it wasn't this article that lead to me writing this blog post, it was the first comment on the Facebook link to this article. This is the comment in question, reproduced here, verbatim:
"Men behaving like men. So what? Let's stop the witch hunt now."
Boys will be boys. Sexual harassment is just what men do. So stop talking about it. Stop punishing those that abuse their positions. Stop punishing those that attack other people. Stop punishing those that harm others for their own selfish gain. Forget about it. Stop talking about it. Leave it alone.
Again: FUCK THAT.
This type of behaviour is unacceptable. It's abhorrent and it needs to stop. It is not normal. These beliefs are dangerous, damaging and insulting to everyone. When all men are tarred this way, it legitimizes the actions of abusers and drowns out the voices of victims.
I hate "boys will be boys" and everything it means. I hate it with a passion.
And there are so many comments that echo the sentiment of "boys will be boys" on the internet and in the "real world". That even use this phrase jokingly. People from all walks of life, hold this view.
The person that made that comment that sparked off this rage fueled blog post was a woman.
Don't say "boys will be boys". The next time someone tries this line of arguing punch them in the fa... No wait, don't do that, that was the anger talking. Challenge them on it. If they're male, ask them if they are a slobbering, disgusting, mindless animal with no boundaries, self-control or self-respect. If they're female, argue that, if "boys will be boys" that must mean they're boyfriends, fathers, brothers are all uncontrollable rapists. Show them the absurdity of this stupid phrase. Drag it into the sunlight and make them really look at what they're saying. Words matter and these words are filth. Purge them.
(This didn't actually get as profanity filled as I expected. It's almost like I have some self-control...)
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