So I have now lived in Finland for an entire year. Well when I say an entire year it's now a bit more than that. I've been a little slow writing this and I would apologise but I did warn everyone that this was going to happen so you only have your selves to blame if you're disappointed. But anyway...
It all feels rather momentous (an entire year!) and seeing as I've written posts about razor blades before, I thought something as interesting as my life might be worth writing down.
So what have I been doing with my time here? Well mostly learning Finnish. How well do I know Finnish? Well I certainly haven't FINNISHED (my punnery knows no bounds) but in all seriousness it is a complicated language. I have learnt an incredibly large amount in this past year but really I'm still at the bottom of the mountain. It will take a long time for me to become confident in Finnish but this doesn't worry me too much (as if anything worries me). I have time and some absolutely fantastic help that I can't thank enough.
If you are reading this and you haven't tried to learn a language (and I don't mean high school French, I mean actually STUDYING a language) then I have to say GO DO IT. It is the most amazing experience. Ever. You may be thinking "languages aren't my thing" or "I don't need to" and to that I say look at me as an example. I hated languages. I went through around 6 years of French lessons and all I know is "Bonjour" and "Comment t'appelle tu?" (I had to use Google Translate to help with the spelling). I hated it and I regret all that wasted time now because learning Finnish has truly expanded my mind. Studies have shown learning languages can help slow the onset of dementia and frankly, I'm not surprised. It's tough to learn Finnish. Your mind is constantly working especially living "in" the language so to speak. Every sign, advert, snatched piece of conversation, newspaper headline, announcement all works as your constant revision. Perfect example: varattu (which means reserved). You see it in restaurants, hotels all the sorts of places stuff gets reserved and when I see it I think to myself:
varattu
Verb: varata (to reserve)
Stem: vara-
-ttu ending: Past tense, Participle (word made from a verb that acts as an adjective), Passive (no defined subject - Who has reserved the table? We don't know we just know someone has.)
My mind is constantly working like this. It is tiring and it is hard and it can be frustrating but I can tell you, from personal experience, that there are few things in the world that feel as good as understanding something in a foreign language that you would never have understood before you picked up a text book and put the hours in. I get this feeling all the time now and it's incredible. I can look at a menu or an advert (nothing too complicated but still in Finnish) and understand it. I am literally gaining information that would have been inaccessible to me before this year! I think that is the science lover in me showing. I get stuff I didn't before! Huzzah!
Understanding spoken Finnish is still very difficult for me for a few reasons, mostly because Finns speak at around 20 billion words a minute. That's a rough estimate but I think it's accurate. There is also the slight hitch that I have been learning a language no-one actually speaks. I have primarily learnt written Finnish ("proper" Finnish) but no-one speaks it. If I speak written Finnish people think I'm talking like the Queen (if dear Queen Lizzy was Finnish). Everyone speaks puhekieli or spoken language which chops out a few letters as well as a myriad of variations in the words. For example:
Written Finnish: Voisitko...? (Could you...?)
Puhekieli: Voisit...?
Written Finnish: Onko? (Is it?)
Puhekieli: Onks? (Is it?)
Written Finnish: Menemme kauppaan. (We are going to the shops.)
Puhekieli: Menään kauppaan. (We are going to the shops.)
Doesn't look like much but I can tell you it gets confusing. Now these are examples of puhekieli in Helsinki. Just Helsinki. In other parts of Finland it's entirely different again. Around the Pori area in the West of Finland, "vetta" (partative case of vesi; water) can be shortened to "vet" along with a myriad of other changes. In the East, in the Savo region, they speak their own Savo dialect which Finnish people from other areas struggle to understand. In the North, there is the Sami language which is completely it's own language and around the coast a large percentage speak Swedish (with a sprinkling of Finnish in it) as their first language. So yeah it's not the easiest thing in the world to understand Finnish people but luckily they are some of the kindest and understanding people I've met and know full well that their language is not always the easiest.
Reflecting on these problems and hurdles has often demoralized me and made me consider just giving up (which is very easy to do in Finland as everyone speaks flawless English) but then I'll see an advert that I'll understand with almost no thought and that warm glowy feeling of accomplishment comes back.
For the past year I've been swinging back and forth from "I know nothing and I never will! This language is impossible!" to "Ymmärrän paljon ja puhun suomeksi vähän". I really have had some highs and lows but that is also what makes it exciting and interesting. Thanks also to a fantastic guide and companion, who has accompanied me on this rather epic journey, I have discovered a love for the Finnish language and of learning languages.
I've now painted a picture of myself as the devoted scholar, pouring over books and manuscripts, revising and redoing and learning constantly but I haven't had a complete character change in the last year. I am still perfectly and adeptly capable of being a lazy, feckless sod who constantly puts off homework and thinks "I'll just do it later" but I have also, to be fair to myself, done a lot of freakin' work.
So what else has this year taught me, apart from the difference between a verb and an adverb? Well it's really opened my eyes as to how different different people can be. I have met people from:
Italy, Turkey, Somalia, Russia, China, Ghana, Nepal, India, Australia, Nigeria, America, Norway, Lithuania, Germany, Tansania, Holland, Argentina, Israel, Sri Lanka, Iran, Bulgaria, Estonia, Spain, Egypt, Kenya, Ukraine, Slovakia, Sweden and many many more countries.
Every corner of the globe. Almost anyway.
I distinctly remember one point during my first Finnish course where I went with a few of my fellow students in a local park just to sit, enjoy the sunshine ("Finland is a cold Northern wasteland! It's always snowing there!" If that's true explain to me how exactly it got to be 28C in our bedroom at night during the Summer. I almost died) and get to know each other a bit better and I was suddenly struck by how bizarre the situation was. I, Joseph Hallam, from a little city famous for a condiment and a composer and that's it, was sat in a park in Helsinki, Finland, surrounded by people who were from countries from across the globe and the only real reason I was there was because I had fallen in love with the niece of a woman whom my dad had looked after when she was a child because he had chosen some random country that he knew next to nothing about 30 years ago. I probably looked like an idiot to everyone else in the park at the time because I couldn't help staring off into the distance and gurning like a drunken child but it really did bring a smile to my face. All these small decisions and actions, some of which had taken place decades before I was born, had led to me sitting in a park surrounded by these people that had completely different backgrounds, histories and futures to me. It was fantastic and I'm sure I will remember it for the rest of my life. It's not been the only time this year either. Something I'm truly loving about my nursing course at Arcada is that my classmates are from all over and I have the privilege of working with them for the next 3 and a half years. It's awesome.
I would never have had these experiences if I had stayed in England. I have gone over my decision to move to Finland over and over and not once have I come to the conclusion that I've made a mistake. Of course, as most people know, it wasn't just the language and the beautiful scenery that convinced me to stay in Finland.
Right now, if I had stayed in England, gone to Chester and started my course there, I would be counting down the days until I could come back to Finland and see her again. I would be miserable, exhausted and soul-crushingly lonely. I know it would be like that because it was like that before I moved here and we were living between countries and it's one of the reasons I made the decision to stay here. I could not spend one more day having to use Skype as the only form of interaction with the person that has made me happier than I even thought was possible. I could not spend any more time at airports, trying to keep it together, knowing I wasn't going to see her again for potentially months. It was physically painful.
Looking back now it was an obvious decision and to a few people not all that surprising. Now that I have stayed, I can't really imagine my life being any different (the recent imagining in the paragraph above excepted). I have already vaguely mentioned the many friends I have now made here and already they have become incredibly close to me and I am certainly a richer person for having met them. I think as well as them revealing to me the sheer scope of differences possible between people, they have also shown me how many things we have in common. It doesn't matter if they have a completely different culture, upbringing, that they are a completely different age and even generation, they are still relatable human beings that I can have decent, interesting conversions with, and I thank them for that.
Helsinki is not a big place (apparently some Russians refer to it as a small village) but it has shown me how small a place Britain, England and particularly Worcester is. Going back to Worcester for the Summer was, of course, fantastic and seeing all of my friends and family was incredible but it also felt... claustrophobic. Everything was so... small. Now I've seen some of the world I want to see and experience more of it. To go back to Worcester would feel like a step backwards.
The world is my oyster now that I really know and understand how vast, complicated and interesting it is. I better do something worthwhile. It would be terrible if I make the wrong choices and end up a regret-filled old man, sat in a rocking chair, cursing my youthful stupidity and ignorance. I would hate to see my life wasted. What if I do waste it!?
Terrifying really when you stop and think about it.
I think I've been thinking about this sort of stuff a lot this year for two reasons: I moved countries and I turned 20. Now I am aware 20 is not old, but it's also steadily becoming "not-young". I am no longer a teenager (was I ever really a stereotypical teenager?) and I am now basically a "proper adult". After getting over the mental anguish of this (and the anguish of realizing that "10 years ago" is 2004 not 1996) it really made me think about my life and my future. I do kind of feel that my life is essentially already planned out (1. Do nursing degree 2. Pass nursing degree 3. Work as a nurse 4. Die) and I have already met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with (first time as well!) that in some ways there isn't much to plan and anyway I've always been of the opinion that stuff happening tomorrow isn't that important because today is not tomorrow, but still I feel like I should be ready for... life. After lot's of thinking it over though I am coming to the conclusion that...
I should really stop worrying about this stuff.
It's only really been in this last year that I have really developed my ideas about what is important in life to me and what my personal beliefs are. It might seem, looking at my blog, that I have had my philosophy of life sorted for a long time but half the ideas on this blog were made up as I was writing the post. The pressure of having to write something actually really helped organise my thoughts and helped me to work out exactly who I am which is really good because that was basically the original point of this blog. That and everyone had got sick of me talking their ears off.
Talking of original points... The reason my conclusion is that I should stop worrying about beginning my life is because my life didn't ever actually start. It's always been. How many times have you heard people talk about their dreams and ambitions and placed all these plans in the future? "One day I'll go and visit *Insert dream destination here*". "When I'm older I'll be doing *Insert dream job here*". How many times have these same people actually tried to achieve these things?
Turning 20 has shown me that essentially I haven't changed that much from when I was 13 or 14 years old. I haven't just woken up and become an adult. I'm not all of sudden starting my life. I started my life 20 years ago. Yes, my life has had various stages and it wasn't possible for me to go globetrotting at the age of 2, but essentially I have been living my life. There is nothing else to wait for or expect. If I want to do something I should do it now because now is the only time there is.
But that's not all I've come to realise. I've also realised that worrying about using my time is just as useless as spending it frivolously. You can't feel bad about all the things you haven't done because you can't do everything. What you can do is do stuff you enjoy and enjoy the hell out of it. You also have time to do stuff you don't like and learn from it. Time is precious but it's not that precious that you can't waste it now and then or spend it doing something boring. Remember as well that every day doesn't have to be an unbelievable adventure. A day spent reading a book and eating some pasta is not necessarily a day wasted.
As is often the case with these blog posts (it would seem), I'm concluding with a grey area rather than black and white universal rules. Go and live your life because you are already living it, enjoy it but don't feel you have to enjoy everything, don't waste it unless you want to, do incredible things or don't!
The only real rule that I would suggest everyone should live by (and that I try to live by at all times) is don't worry about final outcomes and don't regret things. I took a pretty big risk and it paid off. Try it out some time.
Or don't bother and just read a book or something.
P.S. You should also learn Finnish.
