I remember really very clearly one particular lesson of A level psychology I had at college. The topic was stress; causes, treatments, risk factors, all that stuff. Our teacher got us all to do a stress test which asked about various factors in your life and gave you a stress score, I think it was out of 10. We all did the test and were sharing what scores we got and then our teacher wanted to say a few words and sum up the lesson. She said:
"This test is very informal and you shouldn't be worrying about these scores it's just a bit of fun and is just to make a point about the different factors that can affect stress levels. Some of you have quite high stress scores, some of you have quite low stress scores, like Joe, perhaps a bit too low..."
I had the lowest level of stress, according to the test, in the class. I had the lowest possible score of 1. That was about 4 years ago.
Two months ago I had a panic attack. Two weeks ago I had a second panic attack.
If you are a bit confused by this information, believe me, you're not as confused about it as I am. I decided after the second one, I should go see a head doctor which I have now done. Luckily for me my school has their very own "Study Psychologist" which is rather delightfully free to visit so I went and had a chat with them and basically said "Me. Doesn't often feel stressed. Two panic attacks in two months. Why?"
It was a very good chat. She was very friendly and nice and had lots of ideas as to why this might be happening. I shared a few theories of my own and I felt it was very productive. I enjoyed it so much I'm going back in two weeks. That and she recommended I go back in two weeks because she didn't feel the root cause had been teased out yet. But yeah. It was good. It was useful. I'm not going to pretend that it wasn't somewhat nerve racking beforehand but it was good. It was slightly emotional, I mean I was basically saying to a complete stranger "Something isn't quite right" which is strange. But it was good and I'm glad I did it.
Before we go any further, please don't worry about me. I'm actually feeling pretty good over all, which is why I'm finding this all so strange. After the first panic attack I truly felt it was a one-off, I mean I'm me! I never get stressed! Then I had another one. I still feel fine though so please don't worry yourselves. Also for the love of all that is holy no one even dare say anything like "Thinking of you! xxx" or "Keeping you in my thoughts!!1!!1! XxXxOxOXO". Please. Just don't. I don't have cancer. I'm not dying. Also if anyone says they're praying for me I'll unfriend you from Facebook. This is not a hollow threat. I'll do it.
So why did I decide to share this rather personal thing with all of the internet? I'm studying to be a nurse and recently we've been talking more in classes about mental health and well-being and sadly a lot of stigma and irrational fears still colour any type of discussion about mental health. There are people in this world that still believe mental illness is caused by demons possessing you or think that diseases like schizophrenia are contagious. These beliefs are wrong. Mental illness is widespread and affects almost everyone at some point or another in their lives but people don't want to talk about it. They keep it hidden. They feel ashamed, weak, damaged. This is also wrong. People that have these conditions don't go and seek help because they think it's a waste of time or they don't think it will improve anything, they don't want to tell their private business to a stranger, they think they'll be laughed at or that they're fears and worries will be dismissed. They might think that some shrink will try to change who they are. This is all, also, wrong.
I've said in class many times and when discussing these issues with other people that the stigma of mental health should be thrown away, that people should feel open and free to talk about their feelings and emotions and fears and worries and anxieties and problems and difficulties with no restrictions or taboos or cultural pressures put in place to keep them silent. Now I have the opportunity to practice what I preach and I truly think it's important particularly as I fall into the category of "young adult male". Just recently The Guardian newspaper reported that the rate of male suicides in the UK has increased and is three times as high as the female rate. Three times. The UK isn't the only place that has this problem either. All around the world the male rate for suicide is higher and one factor that has been suggested as a reason for this gender difference is that men aren't supposed to express their emotions. Boy's don't cry. Men don't talk about their feelings. Men don't show weakness. They are supposed to suppress all of these problems, which they do. Then they kill themselves.
I don't want to be like that. I want to talk openly about how I feel and I want people to feel open to talk to me. I want to set a good example. When I saw the psychologist I didn't hold anything back, I was honest and clear and tried my best to describe my life currently, what has happened and why I think it's happened. It felt good. I don't feel weak or "girly" or "gay", I feel slightly better.
So the whole point of this post is to show that there is no shame in being in a bad place or feeling like something is wrong or not working properly. If you feel like you need help or just want some answers, go and talk to someone. Don't keep it all bottled up inside, festering away, ready to blow up at any moment. Talk. Be open. Be honest. If you ever need someone to talk to, come talk to me, go to your doctor, talk to a helpline (a few of which I think I might link down below just in case). You don't have to tell the world about your problems in blog post form if you don't want to but please tell someone. The statistics for suicide are truly horrific. Please don't contribute to them. Ask for help.
Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90 (24-hour national helpline) (UK)
http://www.mielenterveysseura.fi/en/home/support-and-help (Finland)
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